If you can't be bothered reading the following tripe, go to Emil's Tech Specs for a not so brief synopsis.

[Picture of Emil with middle finger extended]

The above photograph was taken the day after my 18th birthday. Even though it was eleven years ago, my appearance hasn't changed much apart from butting my hair. Unfortunately it's the best photo I have of myself. Around this period, most of the photos taken had someone sticking their finger up.

Anyway, why do you want to know about me anyhow? It's not as if I'm all that interesting. Here's a brief rundown:

My name is Emil Sarlija. I was born in Melbourne, Australia to Croatian parents on the 14th of December 1977. This makes me 28 years old although I act like I'm 16. I get into electronics, drawing, playing guitar, writing poetry and computers. I also get into trouble. Although I'm somewhat intelligent (I think) and logical, I seem to let my hormones and emotions dictate the decisions I make - just like a typical male. (I really shouldn't admit this in public.) It's awful, really. I used to be constantly side-tracked by cute girlies that I had absolutely no chance with. This has changed considerably since I got myself a girlfriend.

I am also a cynical bastard.

I have a wild obsession for music. I can't help it. A majority of current music shits me to tears and, the stuff that doesn't, bores the living crap out of me. There are some gems that shine out from beneath the garbage but one has to dig deep. Most of what I listen to comes from the 10 year period between 1965 to 1975. I like the sounds of the production, the instruments and, of course, the music itself. I am commonly found digging through second-hand vinyl shops, looking for some long forgotten treasure to grace my eardrums. I love vinyl, double gatefolds, extravagant cover art, liner notes, and the sound of a diamond tipped stylus getting dragged through a jagged plastic groove. Twelve inches of shiny black circular beauty. Hallelujah!!!

I have the kind of zest and passion commonly found in a person on MDMA. Talk to me about Frank Zappa, Jethro Tull, British Folk, or earlier Grateful Dead and watch me flay my body about, saying "YEAH MAN, FUCKING BRILLIANT! WOW, YEAH! EXCELLENT!!!" I've been described as hyperactive, fidgety, restless, and occasionally annoying. It's probably an indication that I should cut back on the espressos.

I have an unhealthy addiction to British folk music, especially the stuff with female vocalists. Since the day I downloaded "A Sailor's Life" by Fairport Convention and was totally mesmerised by Sandy Denny's vocal prowess, I have become a folk junky. The voice of Maddy Prior sends chills down my spine and can occasionally cause me to breathe funny. Anne Briggs almost moves me to tears as does Shirley Collins. Even Celia Humphris from Trees causes me to devote my full attention. Their voices are so full of feeling and emotion that I'm left totally awe-struck and speechless. Phew!

Much to the detriment of my girlfriend, I have also recently gotten into such great metal bands as Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Rainbow, and Dio.

I'm also a musician although this title is debatable. I'm primarily a guitarist and have a hefty collection of sound warping units to mess up my signal. I'm fond of using different techniques to extract sound from my guitar like head-butting the body, harnessing feedback, scraping the strings, and throwing the instrument across the room. The more physically violent techniques were reserved for my "bashin' guitar" which has since been retired after I broke the neck on it. I also play bass and love fuzzing it up like Hugh Hopper did with Soft Machine. I suck at drums due to my scrawny physique.

My current band is called Superstupid, which derived its name from an early Funkadelic song. Our style is a mixture of heavy psychedelia and doomy stoner-rock occasionally bordering on fast Blue Cheer inspired moments. This band marks the debut of myself as a vocalist which is a result of me recycling lyrics I wrote years ago. I'm really not much of a singer but my lyrics are so dumb that I wouldn't want to inflict the pain of reciting them on to someone else. I don't write love songs and never wish to.

I'm currently listening to "In The Land Of Grey And Pink" by Caravan. I originally didn't like it as much as their two earlier albums but it really grew on me. As a result, I've also rediscovered my love of early Soft Machine, especially the wonderful bass playing of Hugh Hopper - a man who seriously knows what a fuzz box is for.

I'm also a self-confessed computer geek. I love Apples. In fact I love anything that isn't an IBM compatible PC. I FUCKING HATE MICROSOFT WINDOWS!!! My pride and joy are my Data General Minicomputers. I also have a soft spot for old UNIX workstations. Most of my friends really don't understand what I see in old computers. To be honest, neither do I.

As I've previously stated, I enjoy drawing. I don't do it as much as I used to, probably due to a lack of time and inspiration, but I still doodle every now and then. I hope to get back into it sooner or later as I used to have a lot of fun. Ideally I'd like to try my hand at painting but it's a rather expensive hobby. Pencil and paper is far more within my reach.

Another thing I rarely do these days is write poetry and lyrics but I've slowly gotten back into it and am rather pleased with the results so far. I've been looking through my old poetry book and a lot of it is rather poxy. As a lot of it was written quite a few years ago and my ideas and attitudes have changed since then. Although I'm still rather childish, I'm not half as much as I used to be - thank fuck!

One final note, I'm also a pretentious twat.